46 Quotes from Life Will Be the Death of Me book by Chelsea Handler



Hello friends. This post is a collection of quotes from the New York Times bestseller book - Life Will Be the Death of Me by Chelsea Handler.

Life Will Be the Death of Me has been described as a funny, sad, super-honest, all-true story of Chelsea Handler's year of self-discovery - featuring a nerdily brilliant psychiatrist, a shaman, four Chow Chows, some well-placed security cameras, various family members (living and departed), friends, assistants, and a lot of edibles.

Chapter 1-3 Quotes

Anytime there's weather in Los Angeles, even rain, it's exciting - the constant sunshine can start to grate on your nerves. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 1

This is fucking awesome. This is exactly what I'd hoped adulthood would be. No kids, no husband, no responsibilities - just a TV show on Netflix and whatever else I felt like doing, whenever I felt like doing it. Not trapped, not stuck, not dependent on a single person but myself - free to be you and me. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 1

I have the Trump family and their horrifying personalities and veneers to thank for my midlife crisis. Along with more than half the population - of the world - I couldn't grasp how, in this day and age, we elected a man who insulted Mexicans and women and Muslims and veterans and disabled people and everyone else he has insulted since. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 1

My dad used to tell me that there was always one line in every book that summed up the entire book. He also said that even if you don't understand everything you're reading in an article or a book, or even hearing in a conversation, try to take one piece of information away from it - that way you've left with something new to add to your brain. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 1

There are too many untalented people who are successful, and too many talented people who aren't. Talent is neither here nor there. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 1

I've always been generous, but that's always come easily to me. It's easy to give. If anything, it feeds my ego to give to others. Real generosity is also showing up when you don't feel like it - sacrificing your own happiness in exchange for someone else's. Was I willing to do that? - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 1

I don't believe life is too short. I believe life is too long. It's exhausting. I don't fear dying. I want people to know that: if I die early, it's not some "tragedy"; I'd be relieved. My life has been an incredible adventure. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 1

Meditation seems to work for some people, while medication works for others. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 2

Crying for other people was fine. Crying for myself about myself was out of the question. Vulnerability in my mind was akin to carbohydrates: I wasn't willing to go there unless it was alcohol-induced. - Life Will Be the End of Me, Chapter 2

I read somewhere that in order to be of use to others, you need to clean out your own injuries. Or maybe I dreamed it. I don't know. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 2

I just have a hard time comprehending why rehashing the past repeatedly, time and time again, is beneficial to people who just need to get up and move the fuck on. Get over it. There are people being blown out of their homes in Syria. We have a president who is rolling back women's rights, and innocent black men are getting shot and killed by police officers every day. Get out of your own asshole, and look around. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 2

I thrive in organized chaos. It keeps my juices flowing and it keeps me paying attention and on my tippy-toes. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 2

If I had married either of the men I'd thought about marrying, I would be divorced ... therefore ending up as just another statistic. Conversely, remaining married to the same person your entire life seems not only boring, but also like becoming just another statistic. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 2

Having an older brother is a lot like a crush - in fact, it is a crush. You have someone you love and adore, who never loses his temper with you, who is always looking out for you and looking after you, and that becomes your definition of what love means. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 3

Death is agony. There is simply no other way to describe it. It is getting the wind knocked out of you over and over again, and just when you think you have enough strength to take a deep breath, it knocks you down again. There is no break from the pain. It is arduous, unyielding. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 3

I remember waking up in the morning and thinking that all deaths should happen in the daylight. All bad news should come in the morning. That way, you have the whole day to get used to your new reality, so that the first daylight you see after death doesn't feel like a plane nosediving into the ocean with the damage becoming worse the deeper into the sea you go. In death, the aftermath is worse than the crash. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 3

Chapter 4-6 Quotes

I have always believed you can erase bad memories with twice as many good ones. Maybe "erase" isn't the right word. Maybe "dim" is a better word. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 4

Action is motion - is doing. Sitting is being. I had been a doer my entire life. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 5

One can argue that no child deserves to be hit, but a slap across the face once or twice in your life sends a strong message. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 5

I wanted someone to look after me - someone who would ask where I'd been. I wanted a mother who wanted other kids' parents' phone numbers. I wanted parents who didn't bounce checks. I wanted to be picked up from Hebrew school on time - or at all - in a car with four doors that opened and closed. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 5

The idea that everyone is always doing the best they can is a trope. Some people are just interested in surviving; doing their best doesn’t even occur to them. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 5

You would have to be young and stupid to believe that you are going to move to Los Angeles to become famous, which is exactly what it takes to achieve a fantasy - youth and stupidity. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 5

I always knew when my father looked at me that he thought I was smart, that I was capable, and that anyone who was in my way better get out of the way because I was filled with conviction. That was his word for me: conviction. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 5

No person is just one thing. People can be filled with light and affection and also be tortured and conniving and dishonest. Happiness can coincide with great pain. One can lead while also following, the same way one can follow while also leading. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 5

I define me. No event or person does this. I define me. I decide who I am and how I'm going to behave, and I choose to be better. To look more carefully, to trudge deeper. To think about other people's pasts and not judge someone for doing or handling something differently than I would. To understand my limitations, my shortcomings - that is my growth edge. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 5

My brother Glen once told me the reason your firstborn is so special is because they're the one that makes you a parent. That's how I felt about Chunk. He made me a mother. A delinquent, useless one - but a mother nonetheless. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 6

Chapter 7-10 Quotes

For the record, I would like to state that never in the history of humankind has a woman been told to calm down and then calmed down. We don't like that. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 7

I thought about how sad men are. How little they know about helping women with their feelings. I realize it's not entirely their fault, because they're wired differently and they've been raised for thousands of years to act like this, but it's still hard when you see it up close and personal - especially when it's your own father. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 7

Only a sister knows how to comfort a sister. Period. End of story. Men can give us a hug or pat us on the back, but only a girl will get another girl off her feet to face the rain. That is the definition of sisters. There exists between us an ineffable understanding. We don't have to ask why or how or when. We just go in. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 7

Religion wasn't going to ever be my jam [...] The notion that accepting Jesus Christ as your savior absolved you of all wrongdoing of any scale felt like a crock of shit. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 7

Whereas siblings tend to police you, cousins are your partners in crime. A cousin is who you go out to breakfast with after a night of debauchery, and who doesn't flinch when you ask the server to put a margarita in your omelet. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 8

My sister is quiet-funny. She's not like me. Where I roar, she giggles. I always wanted adventure. Shana always wanted safety and security. She has always had this little-girl feel about her, whereas I was forty the day I was born. Rough, loud, and unapologetic. Shana was quiet, shy, and careful. She was a virgin until she met her husband. I lost my hymen in the womb. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 8

My favorite pursuit in the world is to sit around and shoot the shit with someone smarter than me. It made me feel like I was playing good tennis. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 9

I'd like to order a scoop of quiet determination. I've only ever had the loud kind. I want to listen more and talk less. Rectitude without the self-righteousness. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 9

You don't break habits overnight, and that being aware of your bad habits is half the battle. It's downhill after you identify what your bad habits are. - attributed to Dan Siegel, Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 9

Relationships without hiccups were too boring, so inevitably they had to end. [...] Uncomfortable and not knowing had become my comfort zone. I was always looking for an ultimatum - a way to test someone's commitment, to prove they would disappoint me, and if they didn't do anything wrong, I would find a way to prove they were disappointing before they even had a chance to be. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 9

I want to be thrown around on a bed (in a loving way) while also being told to shut the fuck up when I'm being obnoxious. [...] Young guys won't do that. I want to be dominated - by an older man. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 9

I feel about narcissism the same way I feel about HIV. I've always suspected I might have it but was too worried to take the test and have it come back positive. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 9

Chapter 10-12 Quotes

The thing that non-cannabis users fail to recognize is the way cannabis bends your frame of mind. It allows access to a recessed part of your brain that I, particularly, was deeply needing to engage. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 11

Someone explained to me that for someone who’s lived with privilege their whole life, equality feels like a loss. That made sense. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 12

The funeral was a reminder to look for the youth in a person, rather than their age. To look at their hopes and dreams, and the family they created, and their best moments with that family. To see them when they were filled with hope - not when the rug was pulled out from under them. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 12

I have a very out-of-sight, out-of-mind attitude when it comes to people. It seems harsh, but I really just stop thinking about people once a relationship has been severed. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 12

I learned that saying nothing can be much more powerful than saying anything. [...] Some people's lessons are to learn how to use their voice, or to speak out more. My lesson is to keep quiet a little more and let things happen around me instead of always inserting myself. [...] I've always been more interested in sharing what I was thinking, but now I try to think about what I’m thinking. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 12

The most important thing isn't always the giant leap, it's the steps you take to get where you want to go. I had to run miles around what I perceived to be strength in order to find real strength, and come back stronger. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 12

I spent my twenties wanting people to think I was great. I spent my thirties thinking people thought I was great. I turned forty, and I started wondering what I thought about me. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 12

Too many people before us have fought to earn us the right to vote, and not to exercise that right is disrespectful to those who devoted their lives to seeking justice and fairness for all. They weren't just fighting for themselves; they fought for all of us. We must all fight together. To be strong together. To fight not only for the rights that affect you. We have a duty to fight for the rights that affect all of our brothers and sisters. Stand for something. Say something. Stick your neck out and be brave. Fight. - Life Will Be the Death of Me, Chapter 12



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